Somewhere between now and then,
somewhere so very deeply buried are the burdens and sorrows we carry…so neatly or perhaps, not so neatly, tucked away because…maybe just because.
During long and isolated stretches across the continent where “Next Services 84 Miles” and “Population 6” signs are hung, the mind is left to its own devises. The pedal cadence, the feel of the seat, condition of the road…all of it is familiar and no longer requires adaptability. Even the silly mind games played for entertainment grow boring. For me, it’s math or measuring or counting. Sometime algebra. Or music. Music is essential. Yet even that became predictable and mundane. So used to the constant input of our world-cell phones, electronics, computers, Alexa and Siri, cars-everything-not having that constant input was, well, different. But I still had my Garmin 1030 plus computer. And yet, my heart rate was still 105, I was still traveling at 14 mph, and I was still drifting into boredom.
Somewhere out there, a “black tear” surfaced. A black tear like the ones I saw in Pearl Harbor at the USS Arizona, surfacing from deep below from 1941. I was so caught off guard. Where did this memory come from? And why was it hidden for so long? I was no longer riding a long stretch of road with unchanging scenery but transformed to another place and time. Tears streamed down my face as I relived moments keep silent…moments deeply painful. With each pedal stroke, the memory floated, from deep inside to my mind and then out into the heavens. It was released, cast away never to return. I could let go. I could heal. And I did.
So often we talk about the benefits of cycling and how it makes us ‘healthier’ improving fitness, strength and mental clarity. And daily riding does do that. Take a week and ride…more changes happen. Spend three months and it changes your life forever.
I am forever grateful for the boredom and monotony that introduced me to forgiveness and grace towards myself. I had to go down that road, get away from all that is familiar, physically challenge myself in order to open those doors. Now, I forgive more quickly, love more deeply and know my life is but a speck in the world’s time.
I am not perfect and I actually prefer it that way. Like my scars, I earned each crazy, quirky characteristic. It helps me laugh at myself and others laugh too (like always filling a coffee cup so high it always spills!)
I’ve learned to take the time to visit friends, say I love you and be silly. I no longer wait because I’ve learned I can’t. Time won’t wait for me, or you, or anyone.
I have learned I am enough.
April 18, 2025
#roadrunnertour2025